so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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