probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
