I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude i'm inner monologue high
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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