I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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