Are we in a gay sports bar?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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