Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
