I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
