She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
