I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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