I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I want her autograph on my taint
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
