He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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