I wanna bring you to show and tell
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
3pm strippers are depressing
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
