I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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