Pants 0. Shit 1.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
