Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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