i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
ok first of all what the fuck
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
