I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize