i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
