I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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