she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
