I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
