her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
