I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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