Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Two words: blizzard sex
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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