Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
