i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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