I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
