I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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