It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
