wat bout pragnant strippers??
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
