i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
