Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
