yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
