get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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