I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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