Soap is not a condiment
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
