This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
