Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
MIDGETS
????
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize