So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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