I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
In America we eat man semen.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
then he tried to convert me to islam
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
