I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
