Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
