the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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