Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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