Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
