Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
