i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize