I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
