you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
