Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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