we're blogging at a bar
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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