I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
