Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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