Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
