He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
