Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
