My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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