i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize