I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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