I faked an abortion last night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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