apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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