I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
