I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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