Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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