A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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