Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
